When I was little he was the best. However, when you put someone that high up you stat to get neck ache it’s easy for them to disappoint you.
After years of hurting, feeling insignificant, unloved & unworthy my skin grew tough. I figured if he didn’t matter, he couldn’t hurt me anymore. But I took it one step further & now him & anything to do with him is out of my life. I’ll admit that a little part of me hoped to hurt him the way he’s hurt me so many times before, but in shutting myself away I’ve hurt myself & I’m missing out on some really important times.
Whats worse is I’m to stubborn to back out of this & more importantly I don’t want to let her down. After all she went through for us I think she finally feels like she’s getting some support & if I go back to him he’s won.
But in the long run it’s me that’s missing out, I won’t know the people they became & they won’t know who I am. I will always be on the outside of the bigger picture because I made that choice. He won’t be there for some of the most important events of my life. And I will feel guilty when he’s gone.
This makes me sad. But I can’t fix it.
